I have not posted here in several days. I have not said “happy birthday” to anyone on Facebook, or exercised, or adhered to any kind of healthy regiment in as many days. Seasonal depression has something to do with it, I’m sure. I know this isn’t anything new, and is something most of us have to suffer through during the more dreary months of winter.
One thing I have been doing, luckily, is sleep. Mostly at the wrong time, I have never been a night owl before, but suddenly I am active from about 4 pm to 4 am. The rest of the time I want to consume beer or hide under the safety of my large collection of blankets that I have on my bed, because it’s the dead of winter in Chicago and that’s the only thing between me and all the drafts that inhabit my shitty apartment.
When I indulge in these wonderful, deep, restorative sleeps, I have the fortune to experience wild vivid dreams. (Places I look up dream meanings: http://www.dreammoods.com and the book The Illustrated Dream Dictionary.) My latest one involved me just finding wads and wads of cash. It was a really great dream. I like to try and interpret them, this one is straightforward, I’m going to have money luck. Whenever I do this I think of Joseph and the Technicolor Dream Coat. That is such an awesome musical.
Not to sound too new agey, but I think it’s important to pay attention to our dreams. I think the unconscious world sends them to us to help guide us and give light to things that are challenging and confusing in our conscious lives.
When I was younger, I used to have a lot of the deja-vu kind of dreams… seriously spooky ones that my still growing mind had a really hard time even acknowledging. I don’t any more.. does that mean I’ve lost something? Can I get those back? Were they even real?
I quit paying attention to my sub-conscious for years, I think I quieted my conscious all together actually. I’m going to start listing to myself. I’m going to start asking myself questions and then listening.
Like, what is important? Who really cares for me? Where should I be right now?
Yes, it is time to grow up.