Andrew is my brother’s name. I got to see him for a few minutes up close and in person for the first time in probably three or more years.
He’s lost a lot of weight. He looks really healthy. It also seemed like he had a hard time looking me in the eye, and honestly I felt the same way.
I’m the oldest, he’s the middle child, and my sister is the youngest. He was the youngest for eight or so years.
Things happened between us when we were kids that I’m not proud of. I was very cruel to him at times. I feel horrible about it. Whenever I see him I want to take him aside and apologize for being so horrible, but that was a long time ago. And besides I think I have done that once already. He seems ok with me now. He talks to me a bit. He’s nice to me. I just feel like there was a breaking point… when he got tired of being nice to me. He and my sister used to rush me when I would come home for a visit.. once I yelled at them for it, I told them to leave me alone. After that they never came running or even acted like they noticed when I would come in, I wished I hadn’t done that. I wish I hadn’t felt so overwhelmed, and I wish I hadn’t taken their affection for granted.
I want us to be good friends, like we were before I started being all about boys, before I moved away. But, he is fine on his own. I don’t need to start demanding his attention. Out of the whole family he is the most functional. He has the best job, a nice girlfriend that he has had since high school, he has his own house. Also he has doesn’t have the “shoot for the moon” mentality that I do. That has seemed to serve him in a way.
Maybe I will just apologize again. And do my best to rebuild closeness one step at a time.